Sarah, more then just a social worker

Well last week I read a sad email. A sad one for me and happy one for our social worker. While I am happy that she is leaving her job at Living Hope to be a stay at home mom to her little son. I am sad for me, the comfort of knowing she was just a phone call away a short car ride away was comforting. The thought that someday when Emma is old enough to understand her story, I would of loved to bring her to Living Hope the place that found her for us. I know I am being selfish but Sarah was such a Hugh part of our lives. I remember the day talking to my husband on the phone about weather or not we were going to adopt. I was at work googling adoption agency in the area and Living Hope popped up. I was reading him the info, "they are having an information meeting in a couple weeks, do you want to go and get some info" the next words out of his mouth were "yea, call them now and let them know we are going". I couldn't believe it for a couple years we have been talking but nothing was for sure until I heard the words "yea". So we went and what could of been a bad experience turned out great. I thought we would meet this uptight women in a business suit who was all manners and a little mean, but who we met was this young women ( I think younger then us). Looking very casual in jeans and a sweat shit. Who couldn't be any cuter or nicer. Talking to her was very relaxing as if we knew her forever. It made our decision to adopt the right thing. We knew at that moment this was the place. At that time we didn't know Sarah would be matching us to our daughter, that wouldn't come for almost a year a later. But indeed it was idea to help us switch programs. She came up with an idea to hold a meeting about Sn adoptions. Without that meeting I am not sure my husband would of change his mind. In that meeting we meet a husband and wife that were kind enough to share there story and their words changed my husband mind and a few short days later we were in the sn program. That lead us to Sarah finding us our daughter. She had talked to us, listened to the little things that I said, understood my husband issues. All without commenting, she just knew what little girl to look out for. And one night files come up on her computer pics of little girls and boys and there she was a little girl with a smile in her referral pic and she clicked lock. See one day we were talking and a fear of mine was a pic of an unhappy baby how could I bond with a pic like that, how do people do it. Sarah paid attention to that little detail a conversation in passing and locked a file of a smiling little bundle of joy, who now is my daughter. I am forever gretful to her and always will be, we might not talk on a daily basis or even see each other, but I sure am going to miss her. She is my angle the one who made my life happy and full. The one who gave me the best gift anyone could ever even think of. The one that without hearing her voice or seeing her face makes me laugh cry happy tears and gives me the best job ever. Taking care and raising the sunshine of my life. I hope your son brings you the joy my daughte brings me and I know you will do a great job raising your son he is so blessed to be able to call you mom. I will miss you and thanks for all you did for me and family. We love you SArah!!

I am a horrible blogger. I hired my cousin to start one for the bridal shop because I am such a bad blogger. I just know I would get into in the beginning then never write anymore. I am sorry that I don't post. Mostly because I would love to read the post back someday. Love to print them out and make a book out of them. What a great gift that would of been for Emma some day to read. But I don't post about all our fun things we do, the daily funny phases that comes out of my daughters mouth. The amount of love I have for the wonderful little girl that is my daughter. about how much I am thankful everyday that she is in my life. about how she is the most important person in my life and I would do anything for her. But I just don't and today I just felt like writing it down. I love my little Emma Lin so much and I can't wait for Christmas not because I am going to get cool gifts that I wouldn't buy for myself, but because I am going to have the best gift ever and that is sharing the day with my Emma and watching her get excited over her gifts. Looking at her beautiful face when she smiles at something she likes. I am extremely grateful this that our family is together, that we are all healthy and happy. Of course I wish my grand mom and Ryan's mom were here to meet our beautiful daughter,but I think they had a hand in helping God find us for us. Merry Christmas to all my friends and family. Here is a happy and healthy new year.

Disney

Well the count down to Disney is on. Everyday I tell Emma we are going to Mickey's House (who she loves so so much, along with the rest of gang). I cannot wait. I am so excited to see her cute little face light up when she is there. She loves rides and loves characters so she will be in heaven when she is there. The best part about the whole trip will be we are going with our whole family. My parents, sister and family, my father in law and nephew. We are staying in a big house and we will all be under the roof for 7 days. This by far will be the best part for Emma. no one has to leave to go home or go to work. We will get to go to sleep as 10 and wake up as 10. She loves the company of our families, loves when we are all together. We have a full week planned with character breakfest. Bippy bop boutique (another thing she loves is getting her face done and nails), Polyneise lu ale, Pirate ship cruise and of couse dinner in China. It will be great and I can't wait to go. We leave Monday November 7!

We are getting ready for the fall season. Summer was pretty awesome. We really did get to a lot of fun things. Emma Lin is getting so big, she pretty much talks in sentences now and it is so funny to hear. She still get some of her pronouns mixed up, but her speech is very clear. When she wants me to hold her she says "mommy hold you". Music class started back up and its nice to see some of our old friends. Emma is really started to play with other kids, before she would just watch. I started to fall clean and I am slowing decorating each room. It so neat to watch Emma pick out all the new items in the room. She counts everything to, it is quite interesting how much she notices change. We leave for disney on Nov. 7th. I can't wait she is going to love it. We bought her a Minnie mouse outfit and Snow White (boy does she really look like snow white). We are decieding which one to wear Halloween.She now sleeps in a regular bed which she loves it nice to get in bed with her and cuddle in the mornings under the blanket. We have had a couple cool mornings to do this. Hopefully she will get to the the PHillies win the world series this year. She is quite a fan already and like Hunter Pence. I think she likes the way he wears his socks. I took her yesterday to get a feather in her hair and boy does she love it. It looks really neat in her hair. She is gettig closer to her daddy. She has always been a mommas girl wanted me to everythng for her. She really only went to daddy when she wanted to play. Now she goes to daddy for everything. I not sure why she changed so suddenly but my husband is loving every bit of it.
This summer has been quite interesting on our part to. I think me and ryan had a little string of bad luck this summer but we are able to laugh about it and we are just thankful that we are ok and happy and healthy.
First someone stole my camara with some really cool pics. after that we got some damage from Hurrican Irene and needed to replace our carpet padding( our carpets are only less then a year old) As soon as we replaced them we got another storm and this time we had to replace the padding and carpets. then after that someone stole our air conditoner unit(yes the real big one that sits outside) who does that. Well we just sat back and laughed. The cop almost didn't believe us when we told him. HE said this was a first.

The summer is almost over and we have done alot of fun things. Since the last post we have done alot. We were officially home for one year on June 13th. We celebrated with a little party and our last offical cupcake night. I got cupcakes made of each month for the past 11 months. They turned out super cute. We also had a cake and sung happy gotcha day. Our little munchkin (or munchie, em, Emma, Munchkin but) has gotten so big. She is such a blessing in our lives. I just can't beleive how smart and strong she is. I remember holding her on gotcha day and thinking something was seriouly wrong with her and worring the first few days if she would even be able to hold her head up on her own. She was 14 months almost to the day when we got her and it seemed to me she was a newborn. She was tiny only weighing about 17lbs, couldn't walk stand or even sit up by herself. Within a few days/weeks that all changed and she is perfectly healthy. Now she talking up a storm, bosses us around and we don't mind. Does gym class loves music and will start ballet on Tues. She reminds me so much of me, God matched us with the most perfect girl for our family. I find so many traits in her that reminds me of my dad, my grandmom and me and Ryan. Its so funny. She loves the beach and rides. Loves loves loves rides her faviort any thing that spins and drops. I have a feeling its only a matter of time before she makes me take her on a roller coster. Little does she know that i am terrifed of roller coasters, so I am hopeing I could put my fear aside and go with her so she won't be scared because of my insercuites. Well we are having a blast going down the shore and taking day trips to differnt amusement parks. Gonna try to take her to see Winnie the Pooh tommorrow hopefully she will like the movies. Hope everyone is enjoying the summer vacations!

Emma Lin's B-day and easter

Well its been a while, so much has happened these last couple of months. The first big one is Emma Lin turned 2. Wow its still hard to beleive. She is a little person now. Doing so much on her own. She is very independent,but yet still loves for me to hold and cuddle her. We had a great birthday weekend. Her birthday was Friday, April 15. After she went to bed Thurs. night I decorated the whole house with balloons, princess decorations and birthday banners and even had the dining room table all set up for dinner Friday night. She woke up and DAddy brought her downstairs while I filmed. the first thing that caught her eye was all the ballons. She loved waking around the house pointing out all the princess and even put her party hat on and let me take pics. She love blowing her horns, it took her a while to figure it out, but in no time she was a pro at it. We made ham and eggs for breakfest and put a candle in her food and sung Happy birthday. AFter that we went to Music class. Ryan took off from work and was able to spend the whole day with us. My mom even meet up with us for music class. We bought munchkins and gave them out to the class. Emma was so funny she loved giving them out. We then when home for some fun time in the yard and a nap. After nap we had dinner with the family. I found a dress with the disney princesses on it to match all the decorations. Emma favorite part was the singing and blowing out the candles. We really had fun. On Sunday we had a big party for her with all her cousins and friends. It was a cowgirl theme party with a real pony rides and a petting zoo in our backyard. It was so much fun. All the kids and adults loved it. It really turned out to be a great day and all the kids got along great. Emma got some really great gifts and loves playing with her bubble blower the best.
The day was bitter sweet for me. I often thought about her birth parents and wonder what they were doing that day? I never thought before I had Emma that I would wonder about them as much as I do. Its really hard not knowing them. When I look at her and see how beautiful she is I wonder what they look like? I wish I could right a letter to them and tell them about her.
I also got two pictures of Emma from the SWI where she is from. That was such a great gift for me and for Emma when she is older. I love looking at those two pic and seeing her tiny face. I have it saved on my phone to look at everyday and to remind myself how truly blessed I am to be her mom. I remember what she must of went thought those first couple days of her birth with no one ther to hold her or love her and what a little fighter we have. I am forever grateful to all the people in China who kept her alive and brought her to us. I wish China wasn't so far and I could back for the day and just visit the SWI. I wish I understood Chinese so I could call and speak to them. Our little angel is so adjusted that I just would like to tell them thank you. She fits into not just me and ryan lives perfectly, but to our whole family perfetly.
Easter was great she loved the bunny which is funny because she did not like SAnta at all. Loved Loved Loved going on egg hunts. I really hid the eggs at our house and she did a great job finding them.
Well our 1 year home is alomost here, I can't remember life with out her. It amazing me that she is only here with us for a month. Can't wait to celebrate gottcha day on June 13!

Our little munchkin is growing like a weed. Her hair is coming in nicely, she is finally out of 12 months cloths and into 18 months even though she will be 2 in a couple weeks. She is doing great, she knows her ABC'S And can count to 10. She can spell out E M M A for us and is talking up a storm. She sings all the time even though most of her singing we can't understand. She is potty trained and is doing great. I do put pull ups on her when we are out for a while, just in case I can't find a bathroom. But for the most part she can hold it until I find one. We go to gym class once a week and she loves it. She can tumble, walk and jump forward and backwards. She can hold her self on the bar and do a flip around that and walk on the balance beam. We go to music class once a week to and she just loves dancing and signing and playing with the instruments. She still doesn't really like to play with the other kids, but watching the non adopted child I don't think they really like to play with each other either. Since she is an only child I don't think that is really going to change any time soon.
Me and Ryan have been thinking a lot lately if we want to adopt another little girl.
We will be home for a year in June so if we choose to, that is when we can start the process. I have such mixed feelings. I would love for Emma to have a sister. I know I couldn't image my life with out my sister. I love having her around. It makes me sad to think that when Emma is older she wouldn't have any siblings. But in the same sense, we can do so much for her if she is an only child. The attention, we could pay for a lot of things for her, like a private school, car college. With two that would be much more difficult. Right now she has all of time and attention which I know she loves. If you look away for a second she is calling your name. How would she handle it if we were giving a new child so much of our time. I know that she won't be little forever and I have to look at the bigger picture. As a mom I love her so much I often look at families that have more then one child and think how could they love so many child, but I know that is just dumb, because I never felt less loved then my sister. I know my heart would love another child as much as I love Emma. One thing is for sure, before we adopted her I didn't think I could love a child as much as I love her. You really have no idea how much until you hold them see them. Everyday I look at her and say I just love you, it really is the greatest thing in the whole wide world. Another thing we keep saying to each other is Emma is just so perfect do we chance it with another one. What I am saying here, is that she bonded with us so perfectly, she is a good sleeper, takes great naps, eats well, no medical issues, loves going over to my parents house. How we handle a new child who didn't do all these things?? If Emma didn't do them, then I guess we wouldn't even care. I know so many people who have the 2nd child weather adopted or bio that say if I would of have them 1st I would of stop there. Not that they love them any less, it just more work. I will admit I a little lazy, I do like my free time and Emma at times let me be lazy I think she enjoys being lazy on days. I even get some time for my self. So the big question is
should we??? or should we not???. I love the idea of having two little girls running around playing with each other, getting to put cute cloths on two little ones. Teaching the ABc and 123 again. Watching another little one grow. What to do, hopefully time will tell.

potty

Emma pee peed on the potty today all by herself. I was super excitec and even shed a happy tear! Or maybe a sad tear, knowing now that she is turning into a big girl!
It a real step of independence I am not sure I am quit ready for her turning into a big a girl. But no matter what I am super proud. I think she thought I was nuts the way I was acting. Can't wait till the next time!

Happy New Year

reading over some old posts

Since it has been a year since I first saw my daughter's face, I decided to read over all my old blog entries from last year. I came across this one.


Thursday, April 29, 2010
Article 5
Well today is suppose to be the official day we start waiting for our TA! Hopefully we will hear something in the next 3 weeks. While I been waiting to meet little Emma Lin, I am tring to image what she will be like. So I decided to make a list of guesses from her pics what she will be like and compare the list when she comes home to see how right or wrong I was.
Well first I definitely think she is a happy baby
she likes attention and is proud when she does something
she lets you know when she does not like something with a pouty face
loves to hold things in her hands
friendly and likes people
she is going to be full of energy
likes to get her way
wont like to share
Well hopefully next month I will know if I am right or wrong.
All I know is that whatever kind of personality She has I just can't wait to meet her and hold her in my arms. Time is going by so slow and I can't wait to meet my baby!

Well I am laughing as I am reading this. I pegged her right on the nose.
She is a very happy baby, loves attetention and is super proud of herself when she does something new or fun.
She has this awesome pouty face she gives when she doesn't want to do something or when she doesn't like something.
she loves to hold things in her hands especially pens, pencils and crayons
Likes people, she is full of energy and loves to get her own way. As far as the sharing goes, it depends on who she is sharing with.

1 year ago

This date 1 year ago I became a mom. I remember getting a email from our agency saying the new special needs list would come out Monday night our time. I remember it saying we will call you at 9am to let you know if you will receive a referral. If you don't hear from us we will call you later in the day to let you know there was no matches for you. I can easily remember that day. Being super excited. Not telling my family, for two reasons, one I wanted it to be a surprise for them if we did receive a referral and two if we didn't I didn't want to listen to the comments of it wasn't meant to happen this time. I can remember the day, heck even the week like it was yesterday. I woke up and i soon as I went to the bathroom, let the dogs out and fed them. I opened my laptop hoping for an email form our agency. and bam there it was. Telling me the list would come out. So now I had to plan this day to be busy and keep my mind from wondering. I asked my husband to say home from work Tues. he replied "I don't know why, we are not getting a referral tomorrow. Sorry I am not taking off from work" I remember being so mad and frustrated. My feeling being hurt and thinking he didn't care. But he really did, that was his way of dealing. He thought if I go to work we will receive a referral, if I say home we wont'. After reading my emails and writing some emails. reading blogs, rumour queen somehow if I read them I would know answers. I took a showere went to work and then headed over to a friends house for dinner. Staying longer then I should have, but it kept me busy and my mind from wondering to the what ifs. I called my friend and ask her to come over Tues morning and sit with me while I waited for either good news or bad. At this point only me, my husband and fried knew about the possible call. I barely sleep Monday night. I sat on my couch and watched allot of TV. I don't think I put my laptop down, just in case my social worker emailed before 9am tues morning. I think I got a total of 2 hours sleep that night. I was up around 6am. Emailing two other families that were also expected to received a referral. Waiting impatioenly for 9am to come. My friend came over around 8am and we sat and talked. (which really was me pacing and her sitting) I hit refresh over and over on my email. and then bam at 9am there is was. The words Zhang Qi Fu in the subject. I remember thinking how do you pronounced that (Gung T Fu). Me and my Friend sat there as I couldn't open the attachments and she said just relax take a deep breath and it will open. And then their it was a beautiful pic of this tiny little girl in a walker, then the pic that made me fall in love. this little girl in a blue snow suit with a Hugh smile on her face. and that was it. I was in love. I didn't need to read any ting. I didn't care what her special needs were I knew she was my daughter. Me and my friend laughed and smiled at how cute she was. Read all about her and called my husband and guess what? No answer. Think I call him about 5 times before I got hold of him. He then downloaded and printed out the paper work on Zhang Qi Fu and took it to his family doc. for his opion and then came home. We both knew this little girl found her home.
Of course I couldn't wait to tell my parents and sister. I remember calling them and asking them to come over. I never do this without giving them a reason. My sister got there first. When she walked in the door I said we are in the dining room. I could tell from the look on her face she was a little worried as to why I ask her to come over immediately. I handed her the pic of Qi fu and said meet you niece. She hugged us and couldn't stop looking at the pic and telling us how cute she was. Then shortly after my parents got there. They really thought something was wrong. First I normally work Tues morning and I was home and so was Ryan. They thought something happened to him. My mom was shaking they walked into the dining room and I said we got a referral handed them the pic. My mom hugged me for what felt like a hour. She couldn't get over how cute and happy she looked. She was in love to. My dad said wow she a chunker. Leave it to my dad to say something like that. They all stayed while we talked about her needs. Went over our concerns and came to only one conclusion, She is our daughter. and if the worst happens then she was meant to be with us and not alone in an orphanage somewhere. At that time we thougth she had breathing problems. Possibly lung or heart problems. So we ok with that. What ever was meant to be would be. We couldn't be more blessed with a happy and healthy child. That whole week was really the best week of my life. It was my birthday a couple days later and it really was the best birthday ever. WE went out for Chinese food that night for dinner to celebrate. Emma lin was 9 months old then and now she is 21 months. Boy does time go fast. I can't believe we will be hitting the terrible 2's stage soon, but for some reason I thinkg it's going to be the awesome 2's. She is the love of my life and I couldn't be more thankful for all who had apart in finding Emma for us and helped us bring her home. Happy rerrall day!!!!